Iowa Man Found With Scruples; Wife “Unconcerned”

Davenport

An Iowa man has been found with Scruples, a dangerous meme known to infect whole communities. Estes Meridian, the unidentified man’s wife, expressed her support while he deals with the implications of his new meme.

“I had the Scruples too when I was young,” Aunt E. (as she is known locally) reflected. “In a word, I’m truly unconcerned.”

Local officials have agreed not to intervene at this point, but E. Greg Farce, head of the community organization Volunteers United for a Better Way made it clear that they would not stand idly by.

“We have known far too many conflicts and tension at the hands of people who claim to discover scruples and then infect others. That’s why we created Volunteers United for a Better Way. Because we believe in a world of individual volunteers, freely united in one great volunteer body to represent the single united will of all people everywhere who know a better way. Such a world has no room for the dangers of people infected with the highly unpredictable Scruple Virus.”

The International Academy of Scientific Investigation of Phantastic Memes, a United Nations body that has come out strongly against the free expression of the Scruple Meme, provided a balanced scientific perspective.

“We are in profound appreciation of the sentiments of this man’s wife and hold out great hope that her support will be a source of strength and of reaching across the train wreck in which this Iowa Man is of a high likelihood to participate.

“But we have to state clearly and without equivocation or complication that there is not the slightest biological, chemical, anatomical, psychological, or any other truly scientific evidence to support the continued existence, generation, presence, or possibility of any entity that remotely resembles a Scruple Meme.

“Superstitious minds,” he continued, “especially in backwards, non-urban areas where we have been unable to adequately inform people of our latest research, meme up such dreams in order to take power over the naive and the weak, something our agency cannot tolerate or share as we exist precisely to protect people from such oppressive regimes.”

Local Davenport officials hope the international sensation will last only long enough to increase revenues for local businesses, such as McDonald’s, Applebee’s, Target, Wal-Mart, and other foundations of the local economy.

“We all appreciate the publicity this man has brought to Davenport,” said Wily Trust, marketing manager of the newest addition to the Davenport Community, Chinese Garden, the international restaurant and laundry conglomerate. “But even bad publicity can be overdone sometimes.”

The wife of the Iowa Man, whose name has been withheld due to government privacy codes, has assured reporters that she will keep a close eye on her husband and will take him in for health care in the event his meme threatens a breakout into the local community.

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