Professional Writing Proves the Apocolypse – Again

I read this on ESPN today. This is why The Lost Tools of Writing teachers parallelism first among all schemes. If you can’t structure a parallel thought, you can’t communicate clearly. It’s easy. All you need is parts, parts, parts of speech you need.

Warner has been voted to five Pro Bowls, won two NFL MVP awards, one Super Bowl and became the second quarterback in history to throw more than 100 touchdown passes for two NFL franchises.

Can you fix it?

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4 Responses

  1. Raora provides a very good option because the use of “has” makes it easy to follow and keeps the readers mind rooted by its repetition. Parallelism is an act of kindness to the reader: it’s good manners.

  2. Should say (?):

    Warner has been voted to five pro bowls, won two NFl mvp awards and one Super Bowl MVP award, and is the second quarterback in history to throw more than 100 touchdown passes for two NFL franchises…

  3. Warner has been voted to five Pro Bowls, has won two NFL MVP awards and one Super Bowl, and has become the second quarterback in history to throw more than 100 touchdown passes for two NFL franchises.

  4. I want the answer.

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